this is my attempt to cleaning up and trying to dodge the absent-minded mentality i have recently, unknowingly taken up. ive been a sloppy mess because i'm so indulged with the way my life is grabbing me. life is hitting all the right spots. i'm being literally swept off my feet and it gets harder and harder, day by day, to take in. jessica has also fell in love as of late and this is validated when acknowledging her lack of appetite to cheat.
its funny because within that same time period, natalie and her boyfriend broke up; which resulted in much closure and even more gratifying- orgasms plus orgasms plus orgasms after 3 or so months with ZERO penetration. its funny because natalie living in the city has allowed her to develop a ton of qualities that only the combination of independence, booze and drugs can enchantingly bring one. i love the flower natalie is blooming to be and she knows the mindsets shes adapting are best for her glowing character.
even meghan way is now steering her life in the one direction she knows shes meant to take. with her updated mentality shift, she;s discovering who she is and what she wants out of life. i think its crazy that i am on the verge of becoming a "women" and that my friends and i are on the same journey, going at the same pace, but in our own unique/personal, varying ways.

now i'm off to call the one man whose voice makes me shiver before i pass out with the biggest, corniest, cheesiest smile on my face. his dada wants us all to go out to dinner this weekend, too! i will sleep right before i magically make all these candy corn disappear! ;)

Current Mood: ecstatic

and much of the world grew happier.

nir is a sun-boy among ALL nature-boys and ALL nature- girls.
his roomates know who folly is
and meghan can't resist the temptation to CHUCKle.

Current Mood: livin
Current Music: cheng, again.

for whatever reason, ive let sex dominate my life as far decisions go and as far as me being the person i am goes for TOO LONG. over indulgence is not healthy nor is it good! od-ing is for pussy, naive idiots. i dabbled:/. take that as you may.
in any event, i managed to fuck up royally where someone i hold so fucking close to me's feelings were at utter stake. basically, i threw her feelings into a fire, when ive seen this same person get hurt so many times before. i know, i know who hasnt been hurt? STILL, i couldve SAVED her from burning but instead i threw her in, headfirst. if someone pushed her into a train and there was no one else around for me to push in front of her, id jump in front of the fucking thing. i couldnt LIVE seeing anything of that severity happe n to her. metaphorically and literally. i feel like i hurt her that badly mentally and i wish there was SOMETHING i could fucking do to remedy the situation a little. id love to be able to buy burn oinment and be like "you know i love you and will rub it everywhere! "
while i was aware of what i was doing the whole time which is why i kept things "shady", i felt that much more in control and that much more repulsive. i was so aware but so ignorant and oblivious to all that was at hands.
i told NO ONE when it first went down because it was hard for me to stomache on my own. but now that the one person who i unintentionally laid above the fire on a fucking stick has fallen in, i'm scared theres nothing i can do for her.
what hurts the most on my part is knowing that i lost, if not all, PORTIONS of her trust.i have for three BESTBESTBEST ladyfriends and she is one of them, so the fact the trust may not be the foundation of our relationship from hereon out, scares the shit out of me. not to mention, we had bangin plans in the making for thursday night.
fuck you, christina! ugh!
things have been going so great that i knew i had to spill everything. i cant CONTINUTE to deepen the wounds so i figured id let honesty prevail so that the beginning of this issue can end quicker and we can go back to the asshole pair of friends we are, together!


im even embarrassed to share this shit with anyone which is why this live journal is the ideal outlet right about now. i'm SO embarrassed that i did something in the way that i did this and that i hurt someone who does not deserve it so harshly.
cute how embarrass has the word ASS in it.
this is really sad.

Current Music: weezer