uncertainty.

hot mess status right now

Mon, 12 May 2008 23:21:25 GMT

!!#$%$^&*()(&*%&$^#%$@#
i miss natalie
and
i miss joe
and
cheries not answering
and
jessica just left for ct

but ellen=getting me now.
/SAAAAAAVING me

i am talking joes ear off

Fri, 09 May 2008 07:40:21 GMT

with stories that remind me of other stories. my problem is that i'm only living through my head and paying mind to my thoughts. the actions come and go but i barely try to make them match up. i am just letting them let do. and people that know me, know that once i am sparked up for a tasty conversation (not necasarily regarding sex), it's hard to cool me down.
like a waterfall, i am letting my life be poured above me, over me and onto me. i'm gliding through, accepting things for what they are and realizing i have so much of what i need to function.
i feel like i do enough to take a break from the world and just make observations that were underneath my nose all my life that i'm seeing under a microscopical lens. and oh boy, let me tell you how much you see when you're really looking and taking note,
i feel like ive been reexamining my life a lot lately. i've also been evaluating my priorities and why number 1 is number 1 and why number 7 is number 7. when you associate big chunks of life with numbers,you see in a clearer fashion. its easy to put shit in perspective with a number slapped on.

just got the thought fucked out of me.
humans are not that far off from animals as far as the everyday routine/strugge/livin goes.
lets look at what a fox is given:
lots of space disturbed by random suburbian roads and engines. at one point, the world was a free-for-all for animals but SOME human chanelled switches in the brain the cavemen didnt live long enough to workuot. in any event,these animals are forced to deal with roads and either ignore them or try to dodge them.
everything PEOPLE do they do because you work with whats around you until you realize how much you can take. you know when you find someone or something that you see as an immovable foundation, you gain a comfort that brings on knowledge thats been hiding from you your entire life. its like life is about finding the right game pieces that are meant to be placed onyour board (or scattered) around but in different squares, at different times. life for humans and animals and any living thing is about timing.
or parts of your life for different moments/stages/occassions.
some people you can really automatically click with and kick back. being able to act like youve known someone for years and get taht vibe that they feel you is ridiculous. i have that with a number of people. its hard to stomache that i now have someone to love and unfold with. being on the same page is soething i SELDOM obtain from people.
when you share with people, they share back and you find yourself being dealt more rewards and just feeling sensations of being connected. satisfaction. a reason to be excited about waking up. there are them, you just gotta find em.
:)

lets pat christina on the back for her ultimate fuck up of the year

Mon, 05 May 2008 20:40:42 GMT

for whatever reason, ive let sex dominate my life as far decisions go and as far as me being the person i am goes for TOO LONG. over indulgence is not healthy nor is it good! od-ing is for pussy, naive idiots. i dabbled:/. take that as you may.
in any event, i managed to fuck up royally where someone i hold so fucking close to me's feelings were at utter stake. basically, i threw her feelings into a fire, when ive seen this same person get hurt so many times before. i know, i know who hasnt been hurt? STILL, i couldve SAVED her from burning but instead i threw her in, headfirst. if someone pushed her into a train and there was no one else around for me to push in front of her, id jump in front of the fucking thing. i couldnt LIVE seeing anything of that severity happe n to her. metaphorically and literally. i feel like i hurt her that badly mentally and i wish there was SOMETHING i could fucking do to remedy the situation a little. id love to be able to buy burn oinment and be like "you know i love you and will rub it everywhere! "
while i was aware of what i was doing the whole time which is why i kept things "shady", i felt that much more in control and that much more repulsive. i was so aware but so ignorant and oblivious to all that was at hands.
i told NO ONE when it first went down because it was hard for me to stomache on my own. but now that the one person who i unintentionally laid above the fire on a fucking stick has fallen in, i'm scared theres nothing i can do for her.
what hurts the most on my part is knowing that i lost, if not all, PORTIONS of her trust.i have for three BESTBESTBEST ladyfriends and she is one of them, so the fact the trust may not be the foundation of our relationship from hereon out, scares the shit out of me. not to mention, we had bangin plans in the making for thursday night.
fuck you, christina! ugh!
things have been going so great that i knew i had to spill everything. i cant CONTINUTE to deepen the wounds so i figured id let honesty prevail so that the beginning of this issue can end quicker and we can go back to the asshole pair of friends we are, together!

im even embarrassed to share this shit with anyone which is why this live journal is the ideal outlet right about now. i'm SO embarrassed that i did something in the way that i did this and that i hurt someone who does not deserve it so harshly.
cute how embarrass has the word ASS in it.
this is really sad.

and on the ninth day, God said, "Let there be MEDICINAL marijuana"

Mon, 05 May 2008 18:45:30 GMT

and much of the world grew happier.

nir is a sun-boy among ALL nature-boys and ALL nature- girls.
his roomates know who folly is
and meghan can't resist the temptation to CHUCKle.

eggplant purple on my fingers, red on my toes

Mon, 05 May 2008 06:19:25 GMT

this is my attempt to cleaning up and trying to dodge the absent-minded mentality i have recently, unknowingly taken up. ive been a sloppy mess because i'm so indulged with the way my life is grabbing me. life is hitting all the right spots. i'm being literally swept off my feet and it gets harder and harder, day by day, to take in. jessica has also fell in love as of late and this is validated when acknowledging her lack of appetite to cheat.
its funny because within that same time period, natalie and her boyfriend broke up; which resulted in much closure and even more gratifying- orgasms plus orgasms plus orgasms after 3 or so months with ZERO penetration. its funny because natalie living in the city has allowed her to develop a ton of qualities that only the combination of independence, booze and drugs can enchantingly bring one. i love the flower natalie is blooming to be and she knows the mindsets shes adapting are best for her glowing character.
even meghan way is now steering her life in the one direction she knows shes meant to take. with her updated mentality shift, she;s discovering who she is and what she wants out of life. i think its crazy that i am on the verge of becoming a "women" and that my friends and i are on the same journey, going at the same pace, but in our own unique/personal, varying ways.

now i'm off to call the one man whose voice makes me shiver before i pass out with the biggest, corniest, cheesiest smile on my face. his dada wants us all to go out to dinner this weekend, too! i will sleep right before i magically make all these candy corn disappear! ;)

recycled feelings and ideals

Sat, 03 May 2008 09:14:33 GMT

for so long, ive been in a gloomy trance. i saw my life as the redundant cycle it is: minimal hours of sleep, school, work, little to no sleep, school, work and so on and so forth. the lady i was born like a sister to this world re-watered the idea that life is fucked up because you never know what its going to throw at you. (that lady also happens to be assed out on the couch parallel to the one im on, looking right at me!) she went on to say shit ive thought for so long but just recently dumped/forgot because of how much i am in bliss with something i always swore was 100% intangible.
we started talking about how life is so sickening and how people who go to extremes with ANY one aspect are on a narrow, blindsided road to self-destruction. life is sickening because it is composed of living to work to make money to live. basically, humans live to work to make money to live... to just work... to make money.. to live. i feel like there is THAT much more to life that cherie is periodically feeling shuttered from.

all because of joe, i wake up either next to him or pleasantly overwhelmed in thoughts of him. if i'm not thinking about how the last time i saw him was surreal-ly pleasurable, i'm thinking about calling him or texting jess, natalie and/or cherie about how wonderful i've been feeling all because of him. i almost feel reborn when in thoughts and in the presence of this man. i never ever thought i'd find someone i am so compatibly comfortable with on every single fucking important level. i cant begin to wrap my head around the world i'm sharing and floating in with him. there is nothing i want more than to stay in this world, while we both watch and assist each other in growing. ugh, i am already feeling the need for him to always be in my life.

i cant cant cant wait to see him nexxxtttttt.

feelin so good

Wed, 30 Apr 2008 18:57:37 GMT

its near depressing thinking about the kindergarden level education i am receiving in my "world literature" class. the teacher isn't a bad person, i just wish she felt the desire or at least little urge to open her mouth with new words in new orders i never knew, so i can LEARN new and maybe even vital things. it's especially upsetting because its my ENGLISH class and i always have unlimited amounts of fun in my english classes because it's like my teachers are doctors: performing surgery on my brain, in an effort to make it expand and even toss my mind some of that wholehearted wisdom. if i'm not direly in love with my english teacher or their lectures, they are with me and it's never been nothing short of a delight going to english. that is not the case for this lady or this course, and such a truth is upsetting. i feel like english teachers dig deep and read in between the lines which can assist anyone in growing in an infinite amount of ways. oh well, i lost out on a semester. bummerrrrr. at least summer is only so far away.
i havent seen joe for about 24 hours and i feel my heart pumping out of my chest and my mind and or brain thumping out of my head. i dont know how my train of thought is consistently revolving around him but i almost dont mind. thinking about him gives me this natural high. being with him and even being ACTUALLY high is beyond a dream come true. i cant get enough of his loving. sex, too, is like overpowering when in genuine love. self is not the main worry/concern; i want him to get his whites all in/over me so i can feel his pleasure in that one shot;) hahah, i had to. the pun was too good to let go. i made his ring tone folly:far away and it fits, quintessentially. i'm really in love!
so my one friend who always said no to any substances is now fond of green and we hit a roach that did us in before class. we stayed "prank" IMing this awesome jewish kid in our class, who sits right in front of us. if only you knew how hard it is to contain yourself at times like this. were gonna smoke before next week, next class with jew boy/sun boy. we are idiots, just trying to take a bad time and make it into a good one.
it aint easy being greezy

april showers bring may flowers

Wed, 23 Apr 2008 19:03:44 GMT

60 or so days sooner, i knew that april was going to be revolutionary. under no circumstances, did i expect to fall in love/find my OTHER HALF, develop a threes company relationship with kenny&cherie, see the day cherie gets a cell phone, own a fucking sidekick i got for free, 420 becoming a legitimate experience, belong to my own "group" of friends at marymount in the city (which will soon be my second home), get three times closer with my sisters bc of the bullshit my dads pulling.
as dirty as i am, id never imagine having the tattoo i have in my mouth hhaha. no regrets! i am still very much excited about it. the fact that im keeping it semi-private makes it even fun-er. it was a stupid fun thing cherie and kenny and i got to do to connect.
as gay as it may seem, i feel like joe is distracting me from my post-folly depression. or transforming it into a good thing. id literally just think about folly and ball on the spot (in class, work, home) but whenever i'm with him, i think about the neverending amount of good shit associated with them. i feel like i talk about folly on overdrive with my ladyfriends and they get sick of it, even though they act otherwise and especially since april11-13. with joe though, i spit stories involving them to hear one just as elaborately entertaining in response. just laying in his arms and having him tap IRS on my tits or stomache and make me guess which tune it is is so unreal! i cant even stop thinking about him and what we have.
he made me a photoshop-looking picture from the school of rock show. he took the picture where jon is looking right at me, singing and cherie and i are parallel, making identical faces. on the side he put the FOR MY FRIENDS lyrics. even though ive known them by heart, the more i read them, the more i came closer to crying because i realized it was the first time i could apply the words and meanings of the song to a person with a penis! and really feel it!
im the last person fit for relationships and he says the same for himself, making this seem like a puzzle that is meant to be pieced together. i almost feel like hes too good for me. SDFG#$Q#$^^

420 was un fucking real.

Wed, 23 Apr 2008 17:45:01 GMT

i went to evas, where she straightened my hair. we hit a few grape blunts and discussed where we were going to find strippers and midget strippers for her boos up and coming birthday party. she wants me to come with her for when she interviews them, so that should be an upbeat process and a half haha. i than ran to cheries where we stayed smoking. we smoked the weed that i copped from one of the mbe dudes and i was flying higher than any kite in the sky at that time. ALLLL of us were. ellen came over with more trees and cherie got sick.
with the exception of the first hour, i was high all day and night time became THAT much better.
this time last year, i ended up puking and giving my friends the idea that i was the real chick from the exorcist. woops haha.
but this year. this year, this year, this year no 420 will ever compare to. i drove, delightfully, to spotswood which was a rough-ass yet refreshing experience. i got to indulge myself in all the songs i love that are more than seven minutes long because i had the time to be that into them.
pulling up an seeing joe sitting on the steps outside of his house made me smile wide, almost like it was a reflex, or natural. i couldnt wait to be right in front of him and even better, closer:in his arms. the way he makes me feel is undefinable and the fact that we met JUST before my favorite holiday of all is destiny. already blazey, we smoked more by his stone wall set up that closed in his japenese fish. it was almost identical to the mini-pond that my aunt pat has right next to her pool too, whih was crazy.
i felt so warm and right being in his house. his room resembled mine as far as the memorabilia hanging out all over the place creatvivly, and the flyers. his bed reminded me of my old, favorit-est bed that my mother sold because it was so wide and perfect for what we really needed it for.

this kid has taken a toll on my life in such a farfetched manner and so abruptly that im getting scared and overwhlemed. he knows all the day by day kids and all the last picked kids. if it werent fr fucking last picked, i would not know folly existed- but thats a whole other chapter book in itself. he knows jenny tsay- the girl who was my older sister figure/role model when i was 13,14,15 who pushed me into liking most of the music and sex i like today haha. he knows people ellen knows and went to shows that kenny was at. hes seen page 99. hes in love with scrubs, his sn has yo in it, LOVES oral, LOVES folly, bartends, ugh i can go on and fucking on. why it feels like ive known him for years, i'll never know. i do know that the idea of him makes me quiver. me being so terrible at relationships makesm e worrysome. i would hat e to be the one tht fucks this up. im also ACCUSTOMED to dudes fucking me over, regardless of how involved i ever was with them

also, if i didnt mention

Sun, 20 Apr 2008 23:03:10 GMT

Finally someone let me out of my cage
Now, time for me is nothing cos I'm counting no age
Now I couldn't be there
Now you shouldn't be scared
I'm good at repairs
And I'm under each snare
Intangible
Bet you didn't think so I command you to
Panoramic view
Look I'll make it all manageable
Pick and choose
Sit and lose
All you different crews
Chicks and dudes
Who you think is really kickin' tunes?
Picture you gettin' down in a picture tube
Like you lit the fuse
You think it's fictional
Mystical? Maybe
Spiritual
Hearable
What appears in you is a clearer view cos you're too crazy
Lifeless
To know the definition for what life is
Priceless
For you because I put you on the hype shit
You like it?
Gunsmokin' righteous with one token
Psychic among those
Possess you with one go

I ain't happy, I'm feeling glad
I got sunshine, in a bag
I'm useless,but not for long
The future is coming on
I ain't happy, I'm feeling glad
I got sunshine, in a bag
I'm useless, but not for long
The future is coming on
It's coming on
It's coming on
It's coming on

The essence the basics
Without it you make it
Allow me to make this
Child, like in nature
Rhythm
You have it or you don't that's a fallacy
I'm in them
Every sprouting tree
Every child and beast
Every cloud you see
You see with your eyes
I see destruction and demise
Corruption in disguise
>From this fuckin' enterprise
Now I'm sucking to your lies
Through Russ, though not his muscles but the percussion he provides
with me as a guide
But y'all can see me now cos you don't see with your eye
You perceive with your mind
That's the inner
So I'm gonna stick around with Russ and be a mentor
With a few rhymes so mother fuckers
Remember where the thought is
I brought all this
So you can survive when law is lawless
Feelings, sensations that you thought were dead
No squealing, remember
(that it's all in your head)

to be disconnected from the internet

Sun, 20 Apr 2008 23:01:12 GMT

is to be disconnected to the part of me that needs to write conveniently. sure, i can use my real life diary but this lets me type as i think. multitasking!

apparently the people ive been stealing my internet source from have shut it down so a problem is birthed. it is nothing that cant be fixed though.
i'm really scared because i see a picture of a life that i want but i'm scared to jump in. i'm not good at certain things life throws at me but for the first time, i really want to be. i want to at least try. this guy makes me feel like hes my other half and i havent even known him for a week. it feels like i have for years and it's incredible.

things are great at wildbull. im gradually meeting every kid that steps foot in the bar by simply allowing them to buy me drinks when they persistently insist. people always try to buy me shots but since eva left and since i seldom work with jess, i dont feel the need to get drunk at work. on saturday, i shot jameson with some kid who was a sweetheart from nutley. he informed me on how his group of friends refers to wild bull as wild bullSHIT because of how the owner treated them when they had a party here once before.
many heads go up to marcello and al capone and tell him that i'm so amazing at what i do. even this bi chick ran up to him telling him how im the most adorable girl she's seen in a while and that im sick or whatever. thank you kenny devoe an arlene peller for encouraging the bartending dream. it suffices, economically and enjoyably.

life is really not that bad. im seeing a lot of things- highlighted- that are so vital and solidly placed in my life. there not going anywhere.

Go on and wring my neck like when a rag gets wet,

Tue, 15 Apr 2008 05:41:25 GMT

you know its really sad that age takes a toll on people regardless of how minimal it really is when it comes down to the nitty gritty: interaction and relationships in general. people will forever react based on how old someone is. just because i was popped out of a human body a few years after you, doesnt mean i'm an alien to this world or emotion or LIFE in general. sure someone older will be more experienced in certain arenas but it sucks that society places that much heat on age/numbers, making the younger person look bad or more naive. it even makes the older person appear desperate or foolish. its like people expect you to fit a mold as soon as they hear how old you are before they get to speak/hang out with you/see you who you really ARE to realize the age you act.
its about mentality and presentation. not how many years youve been on this planet.
this weekend was the ultimate headfuck! it felt so good and so bad!

Go on dig your thumbs in
I cannot stop giving in
I'm thirty-something

i dont know how to explain it.

Mon, 14 Apr 2008 06:10:30 GMT

this weekend has introduced my head to so many things in three divided sittings.
ive learned an incredible amount about myself (including my capabilities and willingness to get down the SECOND i feel its necessary), how fucking solid and amazing my friends are, and how much folly means to me.
having their shows as an outlet for a way to unconditionally release all my insecurites and enter this animalistic zone is beyond me but i will forever embrace it. i will embrace it until their is nothing to be embraced- which should not be anytime soon, IF at all.
the tears and the sweat and the feel of the ct venue, school of rock AND main stage were louder than jon and every person that had his mic in their hand COMBINED. these shows meant the world to a massive amount of people, in different ways, but at the same time. everyone was their to RELEASE, to bang out, to fucking be AMPED for what was left inside of folly and up for grabs for us.
being a band for more than ten years, they DESERVE the time to breathe and theyre entitled to being human. i couldnt even fucking stand on the stage and catch my breathe. how in the hell did anthony really sit there for as long as he did in that HEAT? he even played before that with captives. how the fuck could jon scream and move his body when it felt like you were inhaling fire.
theres so much i now understand and that much more that i dont.
i do know that being apart of folly has had a profound effect on me that could never be matched. i still will always have their cds in arms reach of every cd player i own because thats why they did this to begin with.
i love that i experienced this weekend as much as i hate that its over.
but i guess you really cant have one without the other, afterall.

i have way too much to fucking get off my chest. much more soon.

well, lets start the insanity!

Sat, 12 Apr 2008 19:36:29 GMT

jessica soltys: christina...thank you so much for inviting me
1:18 PMthat night is one of the best nights i have ever had in my life
and i dont mean just shows
i mean of all my life, that is one of the nights i hope to never EVER forget
me: aw
i am so happy
i promise i wont let you forget them because ill never forget them
jessica: 1:19 PMi know you wont
its just so amazing how we all had a good time
and for you...you got all weekend

the validity of her statement shines through in this photograph:

me and cherie nailed our choreographed, church-inspired hand movements, which involved lots of hugging and forming equal signs with arms.

hahaha SWEAT!

last but certainly not least:

GIDDY THE FUCK UP

day one ends

Sat, 12 Apr 2008 09:05:51 GMT

as day two begins.
i dont even know where to fucking start.
the day got off to a slow start but we ended up blazing an elly on the way to get there by 730. we went in by 8 and agim was the very first person we see, when we were just talking about him too. he pops up.
we go in with jess' friends who hated their lfe tonight, which is a shame bc tonight was really the shit. eva thought it was some serious g shit on adifferent level. she said it got more "willlin" than an underground r and b show. ha!
i heard odessa, tx: my favorite of the newer songs and i rightfully had the mic in my hands for as long as it should have been, JUST LIKE I IMAGINED.
I CN TYPE MY WORDS OUT MAN
BLENDING DAY WITH NIGHT WAS PLAYED and the bouncer wanna be dude in front of me mustve thought he wsa funny from holding me back when that shit came on. good one!

arben was telling us how he started to ball three times at the show bc of the sppeches people have preached and he gave me and cherie the best speech everrrr. he told us that we are as much of a part of folly as they were, an that we should consider ourselves parts of the band, like we own them and that they KNOW they can count on seeing us at every show in a three mile radius. its sick that ive known them since fucking middle school and i stay smoking with anthony geoff and other dudes ive never seen before.

the amazing part is im fucked up but made it home from ct in fucking lightening and downpouring rain.

if i could type everything i wanted to, thatd be awesome. it was too surreal.

this this thisss weekend

Tue, 08 Apr 2008 16:10:50 GMT

Weekly Forecast for April 07, 2008
Provided by Astrology.com Monthly Forecast

The way to be convincing or charming as this week begins? Just be your original, insightful self. Stay busy, too -- there are experiences to be had, ideas awaiting you and friends to be made (and maybe some who are more than friends!). You might get some sort of financial wake-up call around Wednesday or Thursday -- or maybe it's an alarm that's been ringing for a while. In any case, don't ignore it; get help if needed. The weekend looks mostly light and lively, with getting out and about favored. There's fun to be had, but to keep the good energy going on Sunday, don't overdo it!

hahah too bad overdo is my middle name

>2weeks

Mon, 31 Mar 2008 18:24:44 GMT

WE FEW BAD APPLES, HALF A DOZEN ROTTEN EGGS. ASSAULT THE GROCER, PRODUCE. BETRAY. SACRIFICIAL OFFERINGS VEIN CRIMSON DELUGE, VINE THE WINE. THAT GRIME THAT MOLDS YOUR DOME WORK, CROSS DRESSER. GROW IT BALD BULL, SHITTER. BARK THE RIND. DARKEN THE RHYME. I CAN TYPE MY WORDS OUT, MAN. I CAN SPARE A MOMENT FOR A WORD, MAN. TRY TO PUT THAT PAST ME, BENEATH THE CROSSBAR, THROUGH THE UPRIGHTS. RIGHT BEFORE MY FACE CAVES IN MY KNEES GIVE WAY, UPTIGHT. SPARE MEMENTO, MIND OVERGROWN. FIVE MEN OVERBOARD BACKSTROKE TOWARD THE SUN SETTING FOLLY. COSTLY UNDERTAKINGS. RUINOUS OUTCOMES

comment your list! do it!

Fri, 28 Mar 2008 07:51:33 GMT

so a good bunch of songs i listen to on the regular make me wish i was getting rammed, right than and there (the raptures/beatles/coasters). i know these types of songs exist for everyone!
i than realized i seldom listen to any of those songs when the moments would spur, so i realized that the problem could be bandaged. action pulled through when i made my mixed cd with every song that would just get me going longer than the next. i started thinking about music id listen to when i was super young and revved and stoked for the endeavors my future held.
i make cds every other night, but just listening to this while driving is unmatchable (to me)

the coasters: down in mexico
the receiving end of sirens: the race
kiss kiss: thought you spoke
the raptures: out of the races and onto the tracks
folly: the city is drowning
dillinger: 43% burnt
air: playground love
joe anderson: i want you (she's so heavy)
the beatles: come together
folly: repeat i repeat repeat
nine inch nails: closer
justadded/ danzig: she rides
brand new: sic transit gloria...glory fades

and for the real men who sustain, refrain from restraining that floooow.
pg99: by the fireplace in white

i know some heads read this and if youd respond, even anonymously, it would really make whichever day i read your "fuck-me-mix" list a fantastic day. i bet i could even guess whose lists are whose, chicks or dicks. haha.

my aunt was hit on by danzig in lodi where she grew up and still lives. she just recently spilt her stories. hahaha. small world!

i wonder what my life would be like if i was a virgin.

Wed, 26 Mar 2008 22:25:32 GMT

ive been feeling like im living on some fucked up level icant dodge lately and yesterday, kennys wisdom pieced the puzzle together.
APPARENTLY, the cough syrup i was prescribed DOUBLES as a liquid kids get hiiiiigh off of.
no wonder at work, i feel as though i took five shots and smoked three blunts.
no wonder when i drive, i get lightheaded and feel HIGH.
haha. oh the surprises life will throw at you when you dont even realize youre being hit.

i need to recap tonight so i remember it happened in the way that it did.

Thu, 20 Mar 2008 10:09:26 GMT

originally going to fly on salvia, we scooped eva up and went to rivaras. smoked an l and just walked in. lauren kelly was there, along with a lot of oldddd faces. more people were buying me drinks than i wanted. good thing i know rinks that have no liqour in it haha that seem to have liqour on it. jess' head was basically spinning in circles, like a record being played by its spindle. thats an entirely different story tale though.
the bar wasnt bad. i love that eva came out. just like idid when iwas thirteen, i picke out the two people i nthe entire bar who DID know who folly was. outside, having a cigarette with the ladies, i saw a dude who looked like he could very well be the sixth folly member. noting this, i abruptly asked if he knew who they were. he responded with "they have ska bits right? i think i saw them in south jersey right after you cross the bridge, i cant remember what it was called" so i suggested krome and dingdingding. i ended up staying out with him, where i was told i was his dream girl and he could see himself marrying me. his name is jon and lives five minutes from me. dun dun dunnnnnnnnnnnn
we ALMOST dipped our toes into the cum/facial subject but i stopped myself before i let SEX dominate who i am.
before this, eva and i sat next to this dude who told me i looked like i had connects to white. he told me i look like a "Crazy rocker chick who goes all out" and was dissapointed when i told him my man is not around until tomorrow.
buggubbggguguuuggggeddddddd ouuuuuut.
spring break resembles my impeccably, once-in-a-lifetime summer. MINUS the allergies and shitty throat.
gotta lay off that puffy puff puff.
or lay low.
this is probably a reckless post but it needs to be done?
my tattoo fucking ITCHES

life goes onnnnn. la la la life goes on

Sun, 16 Mar 2008 18:17:29 GMT

with loads of bad times, comes heavy amounts of good times.
kenny set things straight with us, making me being in his house all the time less awkward. even though she did change, which is only normal, i still love her to death and i'm amazed at how simple it was in rekindling that twin-on-the-same-page bond weve shared for years. no one would believe me in telling them this, but i'm happy for her. no ones perfect.
my tattoo is gorgeous. the process itself was a blast. ellen and eric equate to a top notch comedian duo, so being stuck in that little room for five hours went down smoothly. i will be eventually posting it on here.
jesss is finally over chris and for good. she told me i was 75percent of that which made me happy because i hated seeing her downdownDOWN all the time. she found a man who not only is a pothead but who knows who folly is, and goes to her school in ct but lives in jersey. he's also super tall which works becuse...she is super tall. i adore that we work together. its so FUCKING fun, plain and simple.
yesterday i dragged natalie out to my ex-churches passion play haha. we TWOed beforehand and were blown away. i wonder if we were being rude. i real ly couldnt tell in the realm that is my HEAD. meghan was with us , soberly. im still pretty certain she got more than a few kicks from it. we hit up urban in montclair to see "george moshington" (to this day, i do not know his name) from my CHILDHOOD working there and johnny butryns older brother. small ass world.
natalie ANDDDDDD ellen are on vacation all week which blows the bi g one because im used to seeing ellen everyday now. i miss her already.
folly swore they were having FOUR last shows, involving a ny show which looks now nonexistent. i was kinda bummed. the more, the merrier. either way, i know that april weekend will EPITOMIZE mind-blowing. eva, jess and cherie=ct. my two younger sisters, natalie, her boyfriend evan, ellen an cherie are going to the school of rock. and i think me, cherie an natalie are going to pompton lakes too. @$#WRHEJ^$IKILR&^^%^
usually when i bump folly in hte car, i sing along obnoxiously. as of late, ive been treating my steering wheel like its jon with that mic, rocking it "back and forth"
i have way too much in me to be exerted april 11, 12, and 13.
for now, i am off to american apparel with jessica. hopefully, this minitrip will not result with me looking pretty in jail.
my little sister always borrows my clothes an asked if she could borrow one of myfolly hoodies. she just sent me a text wearing it an wrote "FOLLY!" underneath. hahaha. ive taught them well. i'm really stoked about taking them to the show just to see why im so drawn to it altogether. nicoles turning 14 next week. i was 13 when i started.
let the games begin

youre the best one when things turn out bad

Sat, 08 Mar 2008 09:08:43 GMT

me:so what happens when you dont have sex with him and start dating him and fuck him and hes small?
HER: cheat on him.

so sexy it hurts

Sat, 23 Feb 2008 02:37:11 GMT

i feel like when i look at the world as is, i get scared and bored so ive always nestled in my head and sank in thoughts, pleasurably.
theres always so much clouting my head, i dont know how to swallow it with a smile all the time.

fucking april

Fri, 22 Feb 2008 08:45:20 GMT

please come so i can cum. a lot.

with time,

Sun, 17 Feb 2008 19:29:52 GMT

fleets my sanity.

help i need somebody. help! not just anybody.